Good evening my lovely readers,
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a people pleaser.
It comes naturally to me. I feel things deeply, and because of that, I find it really hard to say no. I want to be kind. I want to help. And more often than not, I’ve found myself saying “yes” with a smile, while inside I’m quietly saying, “No… I’m sorry, I can’t.”
I often wonder why it feels so difficult to say no. Why does it carry this fear of rejection, as if by putting ourselves first we might somehow lose our place with others? I do think it goes back to childhood—those early feelings of wanting to be accepted, to be good enough, to not disappoint.
But surely it’s okay to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t help this time,” or “That just doesn’t work for me.”
Helping people does bring me real joy. There’s something meaningful about being there for someone, and I do believe it’s a gift. But there are also times when life feels heavy, when I’m tired, when I need space. And in those moments, I should be able to say no without feeling guilty.
That’s something I’m only just learning.
It isn’t selfish to hold something back for myself. It’s necessary. I need time to think, to breathe, to create—to just be in my own head without feeling like I should be doing something for someone else.
Because guilt has a way of creeping in, and I’ve realised it’s one of the quickest ways to lose my creativity, add pressure to that, and it becomes even harder. As an artist and designer, I need to feel free. Not rushed, not weighed down—just free to be me.
And it’s taken me until now, at 60, to really start saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t,” or “No, that won’t suit me,” without that fear sitting behind it. To feel okay in my own decisions. To know my worth. To be a bit braver about who I am.
Looking back, I can see how much of my life has been shaped by trying to please my parents—trying to avoid criticism, trying not to feel rejected. There are so many moments I can think of where I didn’t speak up, where I wasn’t honest, where I didn’t say, “I’m not happy,” or simply, “No.”
But I’m learning now.
Learning that I can still be kind without always saying yes. That I can set boundaries without feeling like I’m letting people down. And that saying no doesn’t make me a bad person—it simply means I’m finally listening to myself.